


don't lose ur head

by clairevergreen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Lovers to Friends, M/M, No one knows what James does for a living, and they were ROOMMATES, chatfic, everyone dates everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25940959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clairevergreen/pseuds/clairevergreen
Summary: marlene: anyway i told them yes so i'm gonna move in fridaymarlene: do you think i could borrow bec's truck?lily: you drain me
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Emmeline Vance, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. craigslist

**Author's Note:**

> Plot is ever so slightly based on Fox's New Girl
> 
> Title from "Don't Lose Ur Head" from the musical Six

**_three musketeers_ **

_october 12, 2020_

_1:32pm_

**mary:** marlene is still stuck on the couch

**mary:** i think her face is permanently glued to the pillow

**bec:** wait no that’s mine

**bec:** ugh it’s never gonna wash out now

**lily:** that’s what you’re concerned about right now?

**bec:** i have my priorities you have yours

**mary:** she can’t stay here

**mary:** i love her but i’m losing my mind

**mary:** this is worse than when aiden broke up with her sophomore year

**bec:** is it though?

**lily:** dorcas full on moved to spain

**bec:** okay fair

**mary:** lils, you gotta tell her to find a new place

**lily:** why me?

**lily:** you’re the one at home with her 

**mary:** because you’re the one who told her she could stay here

**lily:** again, her girlfriend moved to spain and gave her two days notice

**bec:** yes we know

**bec:** and we support her 

**bec:** just...in a different apartment

**mary:** we’re not even supposed to have three people living here

**mary:** and i can’t afford it if our landlord finds out we added a fourth

**mary:** like literally

**lily:** okay okay

**lily:** i will talk to her once i get out of class

**mary:** thank you

**bec:** i’ll bring the ice cream

**lily:** don’t you have to close tonight

**bec:** ...so you don’t want the ice cream

**mary:** don’t listen to lily, she’s an idiot

**lily:** love you too mary

* * *

**_lily, marlene_ **

_october 14, 2020_

_12:39pm_

**lily:** you’re going to get murdered

**lily:** you do realize this right?

**lily:** i’m gonna turn on the news tonight and the top story will be your death

**marlene:** you won’t let me live with you anymore so

**lily:** so you went to CRAIGSLIST??

**marlene:** well don’t say it like that

**lily:** how else am I supposed to fucking say it??

**marlene:** look, it’s no big deal

**marlene:** i’m 95% sure that it’s all women anyways

**lily:** it upsets me that the number isn’t 100%

**marlene:** the ad uses the word “sun-kissed” and “millennial pink”

**lily:** ...okay i will give you that

**marlene:** i have my birthday taser just in case

**marlene:** and i will call you once i leave 

**marlene:** and text you when i get there

**lily:** i appreciate it

  
  


_2:41pm_

**marlene:** so please don’t yell at me

**lily:** how many

**marlene:** see i can tell that you’re mad

**lily:** how many lene

**marlene:** well there’s three...people

**lily:** how

**lily:** many

**marlene:** so like...out of three

**lily:** i will kill you

**marlene:** so it’s three guys

**marlene:** but before you yell

**marlene:** they seem nice

**lily:** I FUCKING TOLD YOU

**marlene:** there’s no need to yell

**marlene:** they promised they weren’t going to kill me

**lily:** that makes it all better

**marlene:** yeah i thought so too

**marlene:** anyway i told them yes so i’m gonna move in friday

**marlene:** do you think i could borrow bec’s truck?

**lily:** you drain me

* * *

**_brohemian rhapsody_ **

_october 14, 2020_

_2:26pm_

**moony:** okay you all do realize this is insane, right?

**prongs:** she seems very nice and not crazy

**padfoot:** she thought we were women 

**prongs:** THAT IS WHAT THE CAN OF PAINT SAID

**moony:** i still can’t believe you used fucking craigslist

**padfoot:** that doesn’t surprise me

**prongs:** in my defense

**prongs:** she is much less weird than who could have showed up from craigslist

**moony:** she’s a full time student and works at the movie theater, she can barely afford the rent

**moony:** and i swear to god if she is serious about crying on the couch and listening to Taylor Swift on repeat

**padfoot:** folklore is iconic

**prongs:** but she can afford it

**padfoot:** and she’s kinda hot

**moony:** no

**prongs:** absolutely not

**padfoot:** i didn’t do anything

**prongs:** if she is going to live with us you cannot go there

**padfoot:** that has never been a rule before 

**moony:** you were gonna date pete?

**padfoot:** it could happen

**prongs:** i’m insulted i was not brought up in this discussion

**moony:** for the love of god

**padfoot:** you know i love you baby

**padfoot:** our single when forty pact still stands

**prongs:** looking forward to it darling

**moony:** god i miss pete

**moony:** i’m saying yes solely because i cannot be alone with your two in a loft again

**padfoot:** that was once

**prongs:** oh you love us

  
**moony:** this poor girl


	2. not trying

**_brohemian rhapsody_ **

_ october 23, 2020 _

_ 5:18pm _

**padfoot:** i can’t do this

**padfoot:** if i have to hear this is me trying one more fucking time

**padfoot:** SHE IS NOT TRYING

**prongs:** be nice she’s going through a rough time

**moony:** ahem

**moony:** _ Attachment: 1 image _

**moony:** i believe this is you from approximately 2:29 on october the 14th saying and i quote

**moony:** “folklore is iconic”

**padfoot:** i will stab you

**prongs:** you know what we should do

**moony:** james i swear to god

**prongs:** we should take her out

**padfoot:** excellent idea 

**padfoot:** i think there’s a nice cemetery not far from here where we can bury the body

**moony:** what the fuck black

**prongs:** not that kind of take out idiot

**prongs:** we’ll take her out to the hippogriff and find her a rebound so she can finally get over her ex

**padfoot:** i think it’s gonna take more than positive thinking for that

**moony:** will it make sirius shut up?

**prongs:** probably

**moony:** okay i’m in

**padfoot:** honestly you two are the worst

**padfoot:** but i don’t have anything better to do so why not

**prongs:** excellent

**padfoot:** but if i have to go i’m inviting julianne

**moony:** really?

**prongs:** absolutely not 

**prongs:** the whole point is for tonight to be about Marlene

**prongs:** and we can always get her to invite her friends

**padfoot:** you just wanna see if her friends are hot

**prongs:** i am offended you would say such a horrendous thing 

**moony:** i watched you stalk her instagram and then you started creeping on her redhead friend

**padfoot:** oh how the tables have turned

**prongs:** ANYWAY

**prongs:** we are going to do this nice thing for our new roommate

**prongs:** and get her laid so she stops crying on my very expensive throw pillows

**padfoot:** cheers i’ll drink to that

* * *

**_4D_ **

_ october 23, 2020 _

_ 10:53pm _

**marlene:** you gyus

**marlene:** you gys are sreriously th e bst

**marlene:** anad i;m really happ y tat ou anet creepy mude rs

**marlene:** its ra;y har d otos type nd dirnk ad dnc 

_ 10:59pm _

**marlene:** wiat hwered yu gys go.?

* * *

**_brohemian rhapsody_ **

_ october 23, 2020 _

_ 11:06pm _

**prongs:** shit did we fuck up?

**moony:** yeah i think we did

**padfoot:** fuck how is she so quick

**padfoot:** i had her then she just slipped away

**prongs:** we should call someone right?

**prongs:** i am not just saying that i am genuinely concerned for her safety right now

**moony:** if sirius would get her phone maybe we could

**padfoot:** you try catching a sad drunk girl

**padfoot:** they’re like fucking eels man

**padfoot:** the slippery bastards

**moony:** oh shit i see her by the bathrooms

**moony:** james go grab her

**prongs:** i am guarding the door

**padfoot:** james go fucking grab her

* * *

**_motherfuckin women_ **

_ october 23, 2020 _

_ 11:02pm _

**marlene:** haee i ver todl u gsu hwow mus i lvo yi?/

**marlene:** lke so mich

**marlene:** nd myy roomas ae soooomjo nice

**marlene:** they took me e out dnkngn ahd hety oos niec

_ 11:12pm _

**lily:** um what the fuck marlene??

**mary:** they took you WHAT???

**lily:** hello???

_ 11:15pm _

**bec:** lene i swear to god if you do not answer

**mary** : she’s dead

**mary:** they got her drunk and then killed her 

**mary:** I TOLD HER THIS WOULD HAPPEN

_ 11:21pm _

**marlene:** hi this is remus 

**marlene:** uh i guess don’t panic because we caught marlene

**marlene:** but if you could possibly get over to the cowardly hippogriff downtown as soon as possible

**marlene:** that would be nice

_ 11:23pm _

**lily:** mary and i are on our way, we’re fifteen minutes out

* * *

**_remus, sirius_ **

_ october 24, 2020 _

_ 12:11am _

**sirius:** this is not how i pictured my night going

**remus:** does he really think he’s helping?

**sirius:** absolutely not

**sirius:** but i would pay money to see lily punch him so i’m gonna let it happen

**remus:** should we try and help?

**sirius:** they seem like they have it under control

**remus:** she’s running around the apartment trying to call her ex

**sirius:** exactly

**sirius:** we got her to the apartment and no one got hurt so my work here is done

**remus:** i worry about you sometimes

**sirius:** look if she makes it over here then i wndl

**remus:** seems like you’re involved now lmao

_ 12:32am _

**remus:** so how’s your chin doing?

**sirius:** honestly i hate you

**sirius:** her head is so hard

**sirius:** and how the fuck is she so strong??

**remus:** payback’s a bitch

**sirius:** I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING

**sirius:** but she will not let go of me

**sirius:** i am trapped in her bed

**sirius:** oh fuck i think she’s asleep

**remus:** yeah that seems like a personal problem

**sirius:** remus please

**remus:** lily put you in charge

**sirius:** a horrifying decision really

**sirius:** she only said that bc marlene was attached to me at the moment

**remus:** i know we’ve only known her for about twenty minutes

**remus:** but lily scares me so you should probably do what she says

**sirius:** she is never going to find out just help me get free

**remus:** are you sure about that?

**sirius:** …

**sirius:** do not tell james

  
**remus:** wouldn’t dream of it


	3. Chapter 3

**_4D_ **

_october 29, 2020_

_2:33pm_

**james:** remember last week when i said that was the longest meeting of my life?

_2:37pm_

**james:** ‘yes james, we definitely do please continue this riveting story’

 **james:** thank you

 **james:** this is without a doubt

 **james:** the worst meeting of my life

 **james:** i have never been this bored

 **james:** ever

_2:42pm_

**james:** honestly you all call yourselves my friends

 **james:** where were you 

**james:** in my hours of need

 **james:** NOWHERE TO BE FOUND

_2:59pm_

**james:** you are

 **james:** my fire

_3:01pm_

**james:** don’t leave me hanging

 **james:** anyone

_3:03pm_

**sirius:** the one 

**sirius:** desirrreee

**james:** YES

 **james:** believe

 **james:** when i say

**sirius:** i want it that way

**james:** TAKE IT MOONY

_3:05pm_

**remus:** this is why we had to go to craigslist for a roommate

 **remus:** marlene i am so sorry

**sirius:** honestly you’re the fucking worst

_3:09pm_

**marlene:** TELL ME WHY

**james:** FUCK YEAH

_james changed the group name to_ **_backstreet’s back_ **

* * *

**_backstreet’s back_ **

_october 30, 2020_

_9:32am_

**marlene:** uh so quick q

 **marlene:** just a brief query

**sirius:** you know i’m still in the apartment right?

**james:** ignore sirius

 **james:** please continue

**marlene:** so there’s a very pretty half naked girl in our bathroom?

 **marlene:** she said hi and i panicked and now i’m in my room

**sirius:** oh that’s just julianne

_9:38am_

**marlene:** oh so we’re just gonna leave it at that?

 **marlene:** i need to shower

**james:** she’s my best friend from when we were kids

**marlene:** …

 **marlene:** that doesn’t…

 **marlene:** why is she in our bathroom????

**sirius:** oh we’re dating

**marlene:** WHAT?

**james:** calm down, you two are not dating

**sirius:** pretty sure we are

**james:** you two are fuck buddies that won’t admit that you’re just fuck buddies

**marlene:** oh my god what is going on here?

**sirius:** uh no, we are we got back together last week

**marlene:** oh this is one of those

 **marlene:** i’m still confused about why she is in our bathroom but this makes more sense now

**sirius:** what’s that supposed to mean?

**marlene:** it’s like an on again off again thing

 **marlene:** you two get bored and then get back together and then break up when you get a better deal

**james:** she just fucking destroyed you

**sirius:** that is absolutely not what we’re doing

**marlene:** ok boomer

**sirius:** i am three months older than you

**marlene:** point stands

 **marlene:** anyway could you get your guest to please exit the bathroom

 **marlene:** i have class in forty minutes

**sirius:** yeah already on that ;)

**marlene:** oh ew no

 **marlene:** i don’t want that image in my head

_9:43am_

**james:** they’re fucking in the bathroom now aren’t they

**marlene:** I’M GONNA KILL HIM

* * *

**_broman empire_ **

_october 31, 2020_

_12:00am_

**julianne:** IT’S HALLOWEEN BITCHES

_4:45am_

**remus:** what is the point

 **remus:** how did you even time that 

_5:12am_

**julianne:** i set an alarm

 **julianne:** BECAUSE IT’S HALLOWEEN BITCHES

**sirius:** a very obnoxious alarm that wouldn’t stop going off

**julianne:** oh shut up you fell back asleep two seconds later

**sirius:** excuse you it was ten whole minutes

 **sirius:** i need my beauty sleep

**julianne:** then go back to sleep asshole

**remus:** you two are literally in the same bed right now

_5:31am_

**james:** you were in our apartment and didn’t wake us all up 

**james:** i am insulted

**julianne:** i was trying to be ~considerate~

**james:** in what fucking universe

**julianne:** do not make me come in there

**james:** oh yeah i’m so scared

 **james:** you’re not gonna do anything, you’re being ~considerate~

**julianne:** you know what

 **julianne:** _Attachment: 1 image_

 **julianne:** square the fuck up asshole, you better lock your door

**james:** wait shit i didn’t mean it

**julianne:** TOO LATE

**remus:** holidays are great

_6:11am_

**pete:** you know i really miss you guys

 **pete:** but not getting woken up by this group at 6 in the goddamn morning on a saturday

**julianne:** IT’S HALLOWEEN PETER SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

**pete:** i take it back

 **pete:** i don’t think i miss you

* * *

**_motherfuckin women_ **

_october 31, 2020_

_11:27am_

**marlene:** so i need etas on all of you

**mary:** bec and i are gonna be there at 5 once they get off their shift

**marlene:** okay great sounds good

 **marlene:** but i think there is something missing there

 **marlene:** or someone

**lily:** i told you i am not going

**marlene:** you sure as fuck are coming

**lily:** is james gonna be there?

**marlene:** he lives here???

**lily:** then i’m not going

**marlene:** oh my god

 **marlene:** you met him for all of twenty minutes

**lily:** and i don’t like him

**mary:** well it was more like thirty minutes

 **mary:** you passed out on your bed with sirius for the last bit of that lene

**marlene:** for the last time i was wasted and i do not remember that

 **marlene:** and it would be awesome if everyone stopped bringing it up every two seconds

**mary:** who’s bringing it up

 **mary:** i didn’t say anything

 **mary:** even though you two would be cute together

**marlene:** mary i swear to god

**mary:** i’m just saying

**marlene:** he has a girlfriend???

**lily:** i thought they were just sleeping together

**marlene:** no i’m pretty sure they’re dating

**mary:** so they’re dating when you don’t want to admit you like sirius

 **mary:** but they’re just sleeping together whenever you want to rant about how annoying but not annoying he is

**marlene:** i will uninvite you from this party

**lily:** good

**marlene:** not you

 **marlene:** you all better show up

 **marlene:** IN COSTUME LILY

**lily:** i have a costume

**marlene:** coming as a lawyer does not count

 **marlene:** i mean at least put some ears on or something my god

**mary:** so i’m confused am i invited or not?

**marlene:** oh my god just show up to the fucking party where we’re all gonna bond and enjoy ourselves

**bec:** my god there’s no need to yell

* * *

**_honey nut queerios_ **

_october 31, 2020_

_4:57pm_

**julianne:** ok james won’t stop yelling at me so i’m telling you two

 **julianne:** i tried to just sneak into the office for one thing but my dad trapped me

 **julianne:** but i’m free now and i got the alcohol so no worries

 **julianne:** _Attachment: 1 image_

**remus:** is that…

**sirius:** is that a fucking suitcase

**julianne:** uhh yeah?

 **julianne:** the wheels really make it easy to carry it

**remus:** you’re bringing a suitcase full of vodka??

**julianne:** no

 **julianne:** there’s mixers as well, i’m not a savage

**sirius:** this is coming from me

 **sirius:** but that’s a concerning amount of alcohol

**julianne:** it’ll be fine

**remus:** will it?

**julianne:** you all have no fucking faith in me

 **julianne:** when have i ever steered you wrong

**remus:** how much time do you have

**sirius:** do i have to be the one to remind you that you’re still banned from the green door?

 **sirius:** and they still let the guy who drove his car through the front door in there

**julianne:** i was having a bad day

**remus:** is that what we’re calling it

**julianne:** ANYWAY

 **julianne:** i will be there in twenty with the alcohol for all you ungrateful asssholes

**remus:** when someone dies of alcohol poisoning i’m telling the cops it was you

* * *

**_lily, marlene_ **

_october 31, 2020_

_8:23pm_

**lily:** so when were you gonna tell me 

**lily:** that sirius’s not-girlfriend was fucking julianne savona????

**marlene:** oh good you’re here!!

**lily:** lene not the fucking point

**marlene:** lils it’s a party come on

 **marlene:** also how do you know who julianne is

**lily:** you know that asshole defense attorney with the asshole paralegal who i hate

**marlene:** you may have mentioned them before yes

**lily:** that’s her dad and her

 **lily:** oberon savona

**marlene:** who the fuck names their kid oberon

**lily:** again

 **lily:** not the goddamn point

 **lily:** it’s bad enough that i’ll have to deal with james all night but now her too???

**marlene:** then you’re really not gonna like what i’m about to tell you

**lily:** what you’re gonna tell me they’re best friends or something

_8:29pm_

**lily:** are they best friends lene???

**marlene:** no of course not

 **marlene:** they’re childhood best friends

**lily:** you son of a bitch

* * *

**_mary had a little lamb, becster_ **

_october 31, 2020_

_9:03pm_

**mary had a little lamb:** bets on how long its gonna take lene and sirius to start making out

**becster:** about ten minutes longer than it will for lily to jump james

**mary had a little lamb:** absolutely not

**becster:** are you kidding??

 **becster:** two more shots and lily would make out with a frog

**mary had a little lamb:** that depends on what the shots are

**becster:** i’m pretty sure i saw julianne with a fucking suitcase full of vodka 

**becster:** a woman after my whole heart

**mary had a little lamb:** $100 says sirius and lene get together before james can even get lily to be nice to him

**becster:** sober lily or drunk lily?

**mary had a little lamb:** okay

 **mary had a little lamb:** $50 if it happens tonight when they’re drunk idiots

 **mary had a little lamb:** then $100 for anything after that 

**becster:** $150 and you’ve got a deal

**mary had a little lamb:** done


End file.
